Stay Hungry My Friends

There are literally millions of blogs on the web today, and I'm thrilled that you chose to read this one for the last year. I am grateful for your loyalty and feedback, which has helped BuckToonz to grow in positive ways. New things are in store for the coming year, so stay tuned.

Choose to make 2012 a great year. Rock Onward!

Happy Holidays!

Christmas Eve's Eve

This is the day before Christmas Eve or as I like to call it, "Christmas Eve's Eve". For those of you who are new readers and missed it last year, here once again is the All Purpose Holiday Symbol. This year's version has a few improvements over last year's. Nothing major was changed but I'm happier with it this way. Maybe I should re-name it All Purpose Holiday Symbol 2.0

Eternal Conflict

Table for One

The Holiday Season is well under way, and as usual expectations are high, and so is the stress. Most of this stress is self-imposed and yet people continue to do it year after year. We never really learn--do we? People are friendlier than usual during the holidays, but also more impatient at the same time. This is especially evident when they're driving. We are all quite busy indeed but, let's try to remember in spite of the activity and distractions, there are people who will be alone during the holidays. I want to encourage everyone to reach out and connect with some one that you suspect might be lonely. It's an easy thing to do. No one should feel alone during the holidays.

Ok, end of sermon. I promise to be lighthearted and funny next week.

Full Contact Chess

Some sports and games are much more satisfying to actually play than they are to watch. Some examples come to mind like; bowling, golf, sailing, judo, fencing, Curling, water polo, and auto racing. It seems that the excitement as well as the subtleties do not really translate well to the viewer at home. While we're on the subject of sports, how does an activity qualify as a sport? Aren't we we really stretching the definition of a sport by including Chess? Is a sport merely two or more individuals just trying to outscore each other? If so, then why not have an Olympic Staring competition? I think in order for something to be considered a sport there should be some level of physicality required, and some measure of danger involved. Random violence has a way of spicing things up a bit.

Wishful Thinking

I could go on all day about how our news broadcast media is completely market driven, that objectivity is non-existent, and that too much attention is given to dysfunctional, half-wit celebrities. But, I'll save that particular rant for another day. For now, let me just let me say the following; the 24 hour TV news cycle demands that every minute of every day be filled with something. The result is that everything becomes "newsworthy". What a waste of airtime. Not everything is relevant, or interesting, or deserving of media attention. Stupid and trivial things become legitimized through media exposure.  Americans would be better served if we had less of Hollywood's lunacy and more international news. We know too much about the world of entertainment, and not enough about world affairs that have an actual bearing upon our lives.

Dogs will often appear in my cartoons. Dogs are fun and easy to draw but more importantly, dogs are very emotive. It's pretty easy to to tell what's on a dog's mind based on their expressions, and body language. Where its applicable, having a dog in the composition can help to reinforce the intent, and desired tone for a cartoon. A dog's actions or reactions can also add a subtle, secondary, visual punch line. Although my personal preference is slightly in favor of cats, for the purposes of my blog work... dogs are this cartoonist's best friend.

[BuckToonz recently added new readers in Finland & Norway. Thank you, and welcome aboard!]

Circles In The Field

Since I was a wee lad, I have always been fascinated with what have been called "Earth Mysteries". These are such things as; Crop Circles, UFOs, Bigfoot, Yeti, Lake Monsters, and so on. There have been mistaken I.D.'s and quite a number of fakes over the years, but this does not account for all of the sightings. There is still so much that we don't know about our own planet, and my mind remains open to possibilities. There is something to all of this, and the big question is -- what? It would be quite satisfying to get some definitive answers within my life time. Then I get to smugly say that I believed it all along.

Today's cartoon title is taken from a song by my favorite progressive metal band, Galactic Cowboys.

Functional Tattoos

I don't have any tattoos. It's not that I'm opposed to them necessarily, it's just that I have yet to find an image that I want to live with for rest of my life. Perhaps I'm fickle that way. When I was a kid, the only people who had tats were ex-military, ex-cons, and bikers. Tats represented where these people had been, and/or what they were rebelling against. Only tough guys had tats. Women?... Never. Now of course its all changed, and body art has gone mainstream. There is nothing rebellious about tattoos anymore. Body art has become a highly personalized fashion statement. And that's just fine.

I'm a pragmatic guy and I can see myself having a functional tattoo towards the end of my lifespan. Having a tat that said "Return To Sender" along with my name and address would useful should I become senile, and develop the habit of randomly walking about. As I approach my death some tattooed instructions would be quite helpful to the people I leave behind. Such things as, "Do Not Resuscitate", "Cremate Me, Please", and "Alert The Media". I would also strongly consider inking on a  "Do Not Judge Me Too Harshly by What You May Find on My Computer". That one's kind of long, but it's really important. I'd find room for it somewhere.

Fine Art

This semester I have been taking an Art History class that has helped me to have a greater understanding of fine art. It has also revealed some oddities. Such as painters in certain eras, giving a title to their works that is blatantly obvious to the viewer. This week's cartoon "Nude Woman on Couch with Guitar” is an example of that. A more interesting title might be, “My Mistress with Her Favorite Guitar”. Now isn't that better? We are given a little more information, and it seems less condescending. But then there is the opposite approach which is to not name a painting at all by using “Untitled”.  I realize that titles imply meanings, and some artists may not want to put  preconceived ideas into the viewer's mind. But I think "Untitled" gets over used, and I find that a bit lazy.  Do not worry art world, I'm quite capable of deriving my own meanings from art works regardless of the given title. How about this; an artist gets to name just one of their works “Untitled”,  and they can do this one time in every media that they work in. After that, they have to commit to actually naming what they create.

However, beyond an obvious title or no title at all, there is then supposedly all sorts of symbolic imagery loaded into a painting. Perhaps so much so that only an art historian can decipher it for you--yikes! To loosely paraphrase Freud, can't a painting, be just a painting? Are there some people in the art world who want to over complicate things in order to seem smart, and important? That would not be surprizing as it is human nature to do so. But perhaps I'm still a Neanderthal when it comes to all this, and I may develop a different opinion as I go further down the art history road....next semester.

I encourage people to read Tom Wolfe’s, The Painted Word.  It’s a fast, and fun read that gives valuable insight into the peculiar world of modern art.

Deprived

I saw a survey recently that asked women which one they could not live without; sex or chocolate? Most women chose chocolate over sex. I suppose that chocolate is less complicated and risky, but is it really more fun than sex? I have trouble imagining that.

What is it that you can't live without?

(This cartoon is dedicated to my favorite foodies: Scott, Suma, and Eric)

Gods Past & Present



If the gods of mythology were around today, they would have some new additions. Caffeine alters one's consciousness, and we can thank the gods for that! 

Foliage Fall Out

When I was a kid growing up in Wisconsin, there were plenty of leaves to rake, and bag up each Fall. I didn't mind doing it most of the time, but I often thought that there had to be a better way somehow. We humans seem to have a strong desire to seek out ways to make things easier for ourselves, and we've gotten pretty good at it.

Fall is my favorite time of year, and as much as I love living in Texas I miss the beauty of Wisconsin in the Fall. Note the squirrel in today's cartoon. His winter food gathering effort just became more complicated. The squirrels in Wisconsin are huge compared to the ones here in Texas. Some squirrels are close to the size of your average house cat! It's the Darwin Effect at work -- only the strong survive the winters up North. My family did our part to help, and we put out food for the squirrels each Fall. We named all the "regulars" and could hand feed some of them.  

Humor & Pain

Pain is not the only source of humor, for there are many other factors to consider, but it brings up an interesting point. It has been said that behind the painted face of a clown, you'll find a sad person. Most comedians grew up in dysfunctional or unusual circumstances. It is that experience that gives them a different perspective on life. When they creatively share their perspective with an audience, it is perceived as humor by most us. So, comedy and humor are largely based on one's perspective, and the source of that perspective could very well be pain related.

You will notice a little rat peeking out of the cave. I have a great fondness for rodents (except for mice and hamsters), and they have been a traditional element in cartooning and animation from the beginning. When I was in my teens and early 20's I had a good number of pet rats. They are wonderful, smart, clean, affectionate, critters that are not properly appreciated by the public at large. Anyway, The Wise One's yet-to-be-named companion is there to provide an additional wordless commentary.

While we're on the subject of wise people wearing robes on mountaintops-- let me recommend one of my all time favorite movies; Frank Capra's Lost Horizon (1937). Like most Capra films, there is a message of hope, and an expression of higher values.
 

Skywriting Fail

I want to greet our new readers in the Dominican Republic, Qatar, and my ancestral home of Ireland. Welcome aboard! BuckToonz is now read in 54 countries and on six of the seven continents, with Antarctica being the only hold out. Soon I will unveil my outreach plan for the South Pole and whoever might be down there besides penguins.  

Cut & Run

Continuing onward with last week's "no caption required" theme.

I know the procedure suggested in today's cartoon has become increasingly more common, safe, effective, and affordable. I'm all in favor of convenience but....sometimes our society can take convenience and availability a little too far. Let's hope this procedure doesn't get quite this convenient.

Join me on Facebook  (Hurry before they make too many stupid changes!) Or drop me a line here:  buckdawson62@gmail.com

Entrepreneur

I had written a caption for this cartoon, but realized that it works just fine without one. On top of that, the caption I wrote did not add anything of value, and it sounded a little too "Far Side-ish". I'm not opposed to employing what cartoonists call "The Velvet 2x4" to get my point across. But this cartoon invites the viewer to engage a bit more, and spend some time looking at the scene, and making a deduction about what is to happen next. And what happens next depends entirely upon having some sort of familiality with the old "Frankenstein" movies.

Crisis Plan

We all need a place to go when the sh*t -hits-the-fan. Where do you go? Do you go to physical place, or do you go to a mental "place" for refuge and re-grouping? Post your comments here or on my Facebook page page. And yes, you can remain anonymous...if you must.

Three Things to Remember

Another re-occurring character from the original "BuckShot" series makes his debut today on BuckToonz. "The Wise One" is a philosopher who sits upon his mountaintop dispensing his words of wisdom and humor. The sign outside the cave entrance is a nod to the "Peanuts" comic strip and to Lucy's sidewalk psychiatrist stand.

My Shirt

Most men in the audience can relate to the following situation. Your girlfriend/wife/significant other will "borrow" an item of your clothing, usually a shirt, and wear it around the house. This is one way for them to feel closer to you. This is all very sweet and endearing, but it can sometimes be a little inconvenient. Especially if you happen to really like that shirt. Once the shirt has been co-opted, you will probably never have the chance to wear it again. Consider this a part of the cost of doing business.

Intensity to Spare

In my life time I've certainly done my share of competitive sports. But what I've noticed is that the older I get, the idea of winning is not as important as it once was. It's less about the winning and more about enjoying the game, the people around me, and getting some exercise. At least that's what I tell myself because I'm not getting any younger, and I'm busted up from injuries and other stuff.  Rationalization is a wonderful thing.

If you enjoy this blog please tell your friends. While you're at it, tell your enemies too. Maybe they'll like you for it. 

Good Impressions

As it says in our Mission Statement above, "BuckToonz is a weekly blog featuring original cartoons, commentary, and other creative, fun stuff ". There's been plenty of cartoons and commentary of late, so today it's time for a little of the other fun stuff.

Recently I had some molds made of my teeth. My dentist knows that I'm a creative guy and offered to let me keep them when he was finished. Having a detailed mold of your own "pearly whites" is the kind of thing that falls into "mildly weird but cool" category.  Looking at them certainly gives one some perspective that would otherwise not be available. Other people see your teeth everyday if you're the type that enjoys talking, or are perhaps in the habit of smiling. And the dentist of course, has intimate knowledge of your teeth. However-- you as the owner, never really get to see them the way that others do. Looking at molds like these allows one to enter into the secret world of your own teeth.  In and of themselves, these impressions are a natural conversation piece. But, with just a little bit of work they have the potential to become something more-- a one of a kind creative project.

I have my own ideas about what to do with "my teeth" but right now I'm more interested in what you have to say. Post your creative suggestions here, and I'll share the best ideas.

Phobia

Today is the second appearance of "Bob & Al". They first showed up on BuckToonz a few weeks ago. If you would like to see it again, just scroll back a little ways to June 30th. Bob & Al are a dysfunctional pair of friends, who spend a lot of time on the phone with each other.

I'm not one that's prone to phobias. However, I get uneasy with anyone messing around near my eyes and I'm also quite protective of my gonads. But I suppose those are relatively normal survival instincts. I can get a little claustrophobic, but only under certain circumstances.

For example, I had to get an MRI recently. I've had MRIs before and never had any problems with the procedure. These devises have plenty of room inside for the patient, and there are even "open" MRIs with no enclosure to speak of. The noise level is really quite tolerable too. However, for this most recent MRI, I got what must be one of the very last remaining "old school" models. This machine had a dark, small, ten foot long tunnel, that I was to be inserted into. I didn't realize how small it was until the nurse put me inside the thing.  I'm not a large person, but this was a very tight fit. My shoulders were wedged into the sides of the tunnel, and my nose was only three inches from the top. When the nurse turned on the machine, the noise level was startling. It sounded like the world was coming to an end, even with earplugs on. After about a minute of this, I signaled for the nurse to let me out. She did so right away. My heart was racing and my respiration was shallow and fast. This is very unusual for me, and it felt like some sort of mild anxiety attack. This was certainly not like any other MRI experience I'd ever had in the past, and I was surprised at the intensity of my fear. So, I knew it would require some mental preparation on my part, if I was to endure the 25 minute process. I asked the nurse to give me one minute so I could get my head together. That's all the time I needed to apply my "Super-Ninja-Kung Fu-Mind-Over-Matter-Method" (Patent Pending, All Rights Reserved, Copyright 2011 etc.). When the nurse returned me to the bowels of the MRI again, it was no longer a cramped, dark, noisy, tunnel. In my mind's eye-- it was a much happier place. I saw myself lying on a grassy hillside, watching puffy white clouds pass slowly over a perfect blue sky. There was a light breeze of sweet, fresh air. I smiled, and all was well. The next thing I knew, the machine stopped it's rattling, whirring, and knocking sounds. The 25 minutes was up. To me, it seemed that only about 10 minutes had passed. The nurse slid me out of the MRI, and congratulated me on my ability to "get my act together" so quickly. As I walked down the hallway I saw another MRI machine that was clearly designed for very large people. If there is to be a next time, I'm asking for that one. Then I stepped outdoors into the real light, and freedom.

Free At Last!

Today's cartoon just proves that I really cannot help myself when it comes to word play. I took care when drawing "LeoTardo". It was important to show him expressing pure joy in his new found freedom of movement. "Look at me! I'm free at last! Free at last!"

The Colonel's Comeuppance

Today marks the one year anniversary of BuckToonz blog. In honor of this most august occasion, I am posting one of my all-time favorite cartoons. Sharp eyed readers with long memories will note that "The Far Side", had a similar cartoon a few years ago. However, I'm proud to say mine was published first.

This first year of blogging has been a great learning experience and a lot of fun.  I want to thank all of you for joining me on this ride. As of today, BuckToonz is now seen in 40 countries around the world! This is astonishing to me. As the readership grows and continues to patronize my sponsors, I can justify increasing the number of posts each week. That means more free cartoon hilarity if you help spread the word.

This first year of postings has consisted of selected cartoons from my back catalog. These toonz were carefully plucked from their hidden vault, then lovingly tweaked, colorized, and otherwise upgraded for your enjoyment. Writing these commentaries has been great fun too, and has been an opportunity for me to share the back stories behind many of the cartoons. Hopefully, these have been interesting and given you some insight into my creative process and influences.

Here are some things to look forward to in our second year together. New, never-before-seen cartoons will be making their debut. And I'm pleased to announce that BuckToonz will have an Online Store opening soon. There you will be able to purchase an array of affordable products emblazoned with your favorite BuckToonz. There will be things like: signed prints (suitable for framing), coffee mugs, mouse pads, T-shirts, bumper stickers, and whatever else I can think of. There will also be other non-cartoon creations of mine available for purchase. Such things as: humorous signs, decoupage, collage, wood carvings, sculpture, paintings, various art objects, and inventions(!) Some of these will be limited editions and one-offs. If I create it, you can own it! I believe that art--like humor, is best when shared. Whatever I produce will be made with the usual fun and whimsy you've come to expect.

I read and appreciate all of your comments. Please continue to post them here, or on my Facebook  page. It's going to be a great year folks!

Send In... the Clownfish

When my brothers and I were growing up, there was a lot of laughter in our house. Word play and joking around were strongly encouraged. I credit my parents for all of this. I like to tell people I was "raised funny". Cartooning became a natural outlet for me.  

Dogs With Jobs

Where did the phrase "working like a dog" come from? It certainly has no relevance to most dogs I've seen who's main occupation seems to be laying around, and licking themselves.  But there are some impressive exceptions to this rule. Cable television has programs that show dogs performing functions and tasks that make life safer and easier for their two-legged masters.

I took my dog to obedience training classes last summer. It was there that I fully realized that any dog can be trained to do darn near any thing. With love, patience, and proper motivation there are seemingly no limits. My 8-year-old Labrador Retriever had a bad habit of scratching at the back door when she wanted to go out into the yard. The house interior had just been repainted, so her  scratching had to come to an end. I hung a bell on the doorknob and trained her to ring it by using her nose or paw. She actually rings the bell to be let out now, but no one really believes me when I say this. At some point I need to catch her brilliance on video. Next, I want to train her to find the TV remote when it goes missing-in-action. Now that is a useful skill!

Bob & Al

Bob and Al are two characters that had a brief run in the original BuckShot cartoon series. They are always pictured talking on the phone to each other, and never seen otherwise. They tend to discuss odd and inappropriate things. This toon was created before cell phones had become so pervasive. I elected not to alter the image by adding modern cell phones. From this angle, it might appear as if they were talking into their palms. Anyway, this is an opportunity to point out that cartoons are a visual language that makes heavy use of symbols. Visual clarity is of the utmost importance. Less is more --always. The artist must use symbols and images that the viewer will instantly recognize under any circumstances. In a few more years, this type of phone "symbol" will look too archaic and should not be used.

If you enjoy what you see here, don't keep it a secret

Sound Advice

This week instead of the usual cartoon hilarity, I offer you my loyal readers, a solution to one of Life's bothersome occurrences. This is my way of saying "thank you" for dropping by BuckToonz each week.

 

Fixing a hole where a song came in...

 

We all experience the following problem. You're going about your daily business when suddenly, a song gets stuck in your head. And I mean really stuck, as in it just keeps repeating itself over and over with no end in sight. Ironically, it's usually not a song that we enjoy hearing either. It's never a tune that's cool or fun. Often times it's some Pop drivel, or a stupid commercial jingle from the radio or TV. Try as we might, we cannot rid ourselves of this endlessly looping song. We know it will eventually come to a stop but probably not before causing us, irritation, distraction, and/or distress. This can become torturous as when trying to fall asleep at night. Some psychologists have referred to this phenomena as an "Ear Worm" which implies that you are dealing with some sort of dangerous parasite. I prefer to call it the "Annoying Song Syndrome"  or A.S.S. for short. There is no known cure for A.S.S. -- until now. I will show you a proven method to quickly and effectively soothe your next A.S.S. attack, and you will no longer be doomed to just ride it out.

 

If you feel an A.S.S. attack coming on-- don't panic, just simply follow this One Easy Step. Think of a song or melody that you dearly love and always makes you happy when you hear it. It can be anything at all but it is important to choose a song that you never get tired of hearing. Let's refer to this as our "default song".  During your next A.S.S. attack, keep your cool and begin to mentally repeat your default song over and over until it completely overrides and cancels out the annoying song. What you're doing is giving your brain something more pleasurable to fixate upon. This does take some practice and persistence, but don't let that put you off. This method works and once mastered, you will be able to effectively eliminate all future A.S.S. attacks. You will be the master of your domain, and mental harmony shall be yours once again.

 

Send me your success stories and I will post them here.

 

 

 

Political Correctness

The English language is loaded with euphemisms, and we use them all the time. Just try going a day without uttering a single one. Euphemisms are handy in that they remove us a few degrees away from whatever we are really talking about in order for the subject to seem less; rude, gross, troubling, or painful. But euphemisms can also be great fun too. For example, the Australians have hundreds of different euphemisms for the act of vomiting! (They do like their beer Down Under). The problem is that we have so many euphemisms currently in use that they obscure our language. Then add politically correct speech on top of that, and things can get really clouded! There is no doubt that euphemisms can make our language more polite and colorful, but in the process we sacrifice honesty, clarity, and directness.

The veterinarian in this cartoon is a caricature of a real vet I once knew. Dr. F was a terrific guy and a great doctor. I spent a lot of money at his clinic over the years, and I'm quite sure I've put at least one of his kids through college. The doctor kept on display a dog heart floating in a big jar of formaldehyde. The dog-heart-in-a-jar is on a shelf above the good doctor.

The man-ish looking woman in today's toon was inspired by Monty Python who's members often performed in drag. 

Cults

Spiritual fraud makes baby Jesus cry.

Marriage Material

What else can I add to this except; practice makes progress!

Marooned

Every cartoonist has to do a deserted island gag at some point in their career. It seems like it's just part of the territory. Today's cartoon is one in a series of island scenarios that feature these two characters. (Notice the little fish on the left? That's one of those fun things I like to do). Island gags are too limiting to base an entire comic strip upon, but it can work for a short run. If you would like to see more, I will gladly post the rest of the series over a period of time. Leave your comments here, or on facebook .

Mr. Personalities

What the fellow above is saying is not something that you would normally reveal on the first date. Or the second. This sort of admission falls under the category of  inappropriate disclosure  a subject we have touched upon before. We all have our "baggage" of course, and timing is everything. But having said that, it is indeed true that there is someone out there for everyone.

Cartoon Balloons

This cartoon was drawn before I learned how to write jokes or "gags" for my cartoons. At that time, I relied almost exclusively on visual humor. I don't like the word "gag" very much. It's an odd word choice to describe something that is supposed to generate smiles and laughter  I prefer to use the terms: "joke" or "caption" or "the-part-with-the-funny-words-in-it".

Packaging

Why are so many products over-engineered when it comes to their packaging? It annoys me at how much effort is required to open certain things such as CDs, DVDs or electronic products. And oh, what fun it is to open a pill bottle only to discover it has more cotton than contents (see illustration). Most packaging should not require the use of special tools or inordinate amounts of time to gain access to the product itself. I understand that some forms of packaging are anti-theft, or tamper resistant and so on. I can appreciate that maybe the manufacturer has some concern for my safety, or at the very least is trying to avoid a lawsuit. But c'mon...it all gets so very tedious. In this era of "reduce, recycle, and reuse", how much of this junk is necessary?

Beware

I used to post those brightly colored "Beware of Dog" signs on my property even when I didn't have a dog. I see those types of signs as a fair warning to meter readers and a deterrent to ne'er-do-wells. My wife has never liked Beware of Dog signs because in her mind they look "tacky". To get past my wife's objections, I found a work around solution, and made a low key wooden sign that reads "There IS a Dog". Now my wife is happy, and the bad guys have been duly warned. Problem solved.

I would like to say a special "hello and thanks" to all my readers outside the United States. Glad to have you on board!

 

Specialists

Everywhere you look there are specialists in everything, but particularly in the practice of medicine. I'm glad there are people who feel inspired to become an expert in... [fill in obscure body part, system, disease, or dysfunction].

Notice the color of the wall in this cartoon. Once again I get to make use of what I like to call "Institutional Green". It's ideal for hospital settings, as well as public and government buildings.

Rocket Science

Before posting, I sent this cartoon to a good friend who works at the Johnson Space Center (NASA) in Houston, TX. She hangs out with rocket scientists all day, and assured me that this was indeed blog worthy. It isn't often that a cartoon gets the official NASA Seal of Approval. This is a very proud moment for me....sniff.... and I'm a little choked up. I need a minute.... so... talk amongst yourselves.

Traffic Stop

I'm quite sure that we are not alone in this big, old universe. The idea that other intelligent life forms exist, does not bother me in the least. If it is ever conclusively proven that Earth has been visited by extraterrestrials, it would not effect my world view or spiritual beliefs. In fact it would only add to my awe and wonder.

Park Police

We are a country of laws, which is a good thing. In fact, we have a lot of laws...perhaps too many. While I'm all in favor of law enforcement, I'd say a good portion of our laws are: outdated, unnecessary, unenforceable, and even silly. Municipalities have some laws that are designed to function only as revenue generators. I have a problem with that. How about from now on, every time your local, state, or national representatives want to enact a new law...they have to get rid of at least two old ones?

When Worlds Collide

This cartoon illustrates that moment just before all hell breaks loose or the hilarity begins, depending on how you look at it. My alert readers will know that this is a riff on Velcro, one of the last century's better ideas. I've always thought that when Velcro is pulled apart, it sounds like the seat of someone's pants ripping out. After all these years, I'm still slightly amused when I hear that sound. So, I guess I'm a little juvenile that way.

Personal Problem

Lycanthropy: is a psychological disorder where a person believes that they are, or have been transformed into, an animal (usually a wolf) and then acts accordingly. Every few years the public seems to re-discover it's fascination with vampires and to a lesser degree, werewolves. I never "got" the whole vampire thing. I never understood what all the flap was about. In my mind, vampires are very overrated. Blood is not sexy-- ask any nurse or paramedic. I have always preferred the werewolves. However, the attacking and maiming of people is an unattractive aspect. What appeals to me instead is the idea of shape shifting into a physically superior animal form. That strikes an atavistic chord within me. How cool would that be to leap and run unhindered through the forest? All of this reminds me of something I witnessed during my visits to South Korea. The Koreans like to exercise early in the morning. People go outdoors and do all manner of things from playing golf, to martial arts. As the sun is rising you can see Korean men running up steep hillsides while yelling at the top of their lungs. How wonderfully cathartic! We should try that here in the States. Why should the Koreans have all the fun? Maybe I'll start a club.

One Fine Day at the Banjo Shop

Continuing with our "signs" theme from last week...

I was going to write a long piece about how awful it must be for employees at guitar stores who must listen to amateurs violate the same old rock riffs day after day. Then I wondered if a similar thing occurred down at the local banjo shop as well. I was then going to impress you my loyal readers, with trivia about the enormously popular bluegrass instrumental "Dueling Banjos", which was featured in the 70's film "Deliverance". For example; the soundtrack itself had a guitar and a banjo "dueling", and not two banjos as the title would suggest. Also, this hit song spawned many imitations and parodies such as "Dueling Tubas". This would then demonstrate my solid grasp of modern music history, and useless information. I was going to write about all that stuff and then decided...why bother?

Signs

It is human nature to seek out ways to get our individual needs met. The three guys in today's cartoon have chosen to use signs to accomplish that end. As a former sign maker myself, I know that the most effective type of signs are those that convey useful information or influence behaviour. Signs at their worst are unnecessary eyesores. Love 'em or hate 'em, I believe that the world would be chaos without signs. Feel free to quote me on that. Where would we be without signs to offer us valuable suggestions like; Stop, Right Turn Only, Handle With Care, Eat Here, Bridge Out, Clothing Optional Beach, Don't Put Your Lips On This, and so on?

Cowboy Music

I have never been much of a fan of Country music, especially it’s latest incarnation. But you have to give a tip of the hat to the old school country music songwriters. They had a great sense of humor, and they really knew how to turn a phrase.

Cat-A-Lanche

A few years ago, a comedian named Rich Hall was briefly famous for his creation of “Sniglets”. A Singlet is defined as, “Any word that doesn't appear in the dictionary, but probably should". Sniglets are a clever form of word play often involving a pun of some sort. I have written a number of my own Sniglets over the years. One of my favorites is “Cat-A-lanche”. Allow me to explain. There was a time when I lived in a two story townhouse with my first wife. We had a bunch of critters back then. We had two dogs, four adult cats, and five kittens. Our house was in a constant state of happy chaos. For example; whenever the doorbell rang, all nine cats would run down the stairs en masse to see who was at the door. This was really fun to watch but a little hazardous if you happened to be navigating the staircase at that time. I found that the best strategy was to stand still, hold the banister, and watch as the river of cats flowed around and past me. I named this occurrence, a "Cat-A-Lanche". Good times.

Rude Dolphins

I have not been feeling very intellectual lately, perhaps it is due to the nutty weather we're having. So, the obvious route to take for this week's post is a little low-brow humor. Besides- it's just bodily functions, and I'm using dolphins so that makes it cool. Ben Franklin once said that if flatulence was odorless, we would treat it no differently than a sneeze or a burp. A wise man indeed.

Foundling

I have always had a great interest and fascination with monkeys and apes. When I was but a wee lad, I really wanted a pet monkey--but what kid doesn't? When I was in Kindergarten, our classroom had a kid-sized play kitchen and living room. We used this space to play "House", with my classmates filling the roles of a Mom, Dad, siblings, aunt, uncle, etc. There was limited room so not all the kids in my class could play at once. I created a role for myself as the family pet, "Monkey". This way I would be included anytime the other kids wanted to play "House". Everybody liked Monkey and it gave me the freedom to act silly, misbehave a little, and get away with it completely.

Growing up I read all the Tarzan books, saw the movies, and watched the TV show. I wanted to be the Lord of the Apes! I was a big fan of the "Planet of the Apes" movies too. When I was a teenager I read Jane Goodall's book My Friends the Wild Chimpanzees which inspired me to become a Primatologist. I studied everything I could find on the subject of primates and their behaviour. In a few years I had amassed a knowledge base in preparation for college. As you can guess, I did not become a world famous primatologist. Despite all the camping I had done as a Boy Scout, perhaps the jungle life was not for me after all.

Surreal

Penis

The feedback I received on last week's post was that the commentary portion was a bit on the negative side. Admittedly, I tend to rant when it comes to politics. So this week we shall lighten things up considerably, and return to our usual frivolous stuff.