My End-of-the-Year Holiday Letter #1

It’s that time of year where we all receive at least one of those chatty, and sometimes boastful, Year's-End/Holiday-Open-Letters from distant family, or friends. The following is my very first---you lucky devils. I’m writing one this year because: 1) It’s a fun experiment 2) I’m too cheap or broke to buy enough stamps 3) I’m doing my part to help the environment by not using paper products 4) Too damn lazy to stand in line at the Post Office. Take your pick. Greetings from the Dawson Household, to all our family and friends. Well the year just flew by as they all seem to do. Tracy and I are both one year older, but it feels like more somehow. Our animal companions have been busy this year. Last Spring, our Labrador Retriever “Clover”, won Miss Congeniality at the Greater Houston Area Dog & Pony Show. As you can imagine, we are quite proud. She also completed obedience training with flying colors. We just might re-name her “Einstein”. Our back porch kitty “Pinot” a.k.a. “Dingus” is doing well. His thick “winter coat” has now grown out completely. Despite his missing tail, and wonky ear, he now looks as close to normal as he will ever get. He keeps himself busy patrolling the yard for other cats and raccoons, while making unearthly sounds at night. We're glad to have a happy Dingus. Our little parrots “Kirby” and “La Paz” are happy, cheerful, and talkative as always. We discovered last winter that our birds have learned to curse horribly in three different languages! This is a quite shock to us as my wife and I can only curse in English. I think I know where the problem lies, and I will be having a word with our housekeeper and yard man soon. The really big news this year is the repair and remodeling of our home. We love our new bathrooms and re-finished hardwood floors. It all went quite well with insurance paying for most of it. Tracy’s parents were generous enough to help us out as well with some much needed cosmetic upgrades. We had several rooms repainted giving everything a fresh, new look. Best of all, I finally got the fire pole I’ve always wanted, and my wife loves her new spiral staircase. Installing both of these items was quite an engineering feat, as our house only has one story. This Fall’s yard sale was a complete success. We sold everything. Yard sales are the very definition of the phrase, “one man’s junk, is another man’s treasure”. We were inundated with enthusiastic crowds of people for that whole weekend. I got rather caught up in the frenzy of it all, and somehow managed to sell off our carport, and a large oak tree in the front yard. Our neighbors are just great by the way. They are happy to loan us things, and not ask too many questions. They're being very good sports about the Ark I'm building in the back yard. My nephew Eric wants to pass gas for a living, and become an Anesthesiologist. He is currently a senior in High School and plays bass in a rock band called, “The Useful Idiots”. That about wraps it up. May you all have a Cool Christmas, a Happening Hannakah, a Kick Ass Kwaanza, and a terrific New Year!