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Saturday, November 12, 2011

Functional Tattoos


I don't have any tattoos. It's not that I'm opposed to them necessarily, it's just that I have yet to find an image that I want to live with for rest of my life. Perhaps I'm fickle that way. When I was a kid, the only people who had tats were ex-military, ex-cons, and bikers. Tats represented where these people had been, and/or what they were rebelling against. Only tough guys had tats. Women?... Never. Now of course its all changed, and body art has gone mainstream. There is nothing rebellious about tattoos anymore. Body art has become a highly personalized fashion statement. And that's just fine.

I'm a pragmatic guy and I can see myself having a functional tattoo towards the end of my lifespan. Having a tat that said "Return To Sender" along with my name and address would useful should I become senile, and develop the habit of randomly walking about. As I approach my death some tattooed instructions would be quite helpful to the people I leave behind. Such things as, "Do Not Resuscitate", "Cremate Me, Please", and "Alert The Media". I would also strongly consider inking on a  "Do Not Judge Me Too Harshly by What You May Find on My Computer". That one's kind of long, but it's really important. I'd find room for it somewhere.

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